It all started Saturday night…. My TBM husband and I were about to watch a much-anticipated DVD together but then… an email came to him asking him to substitute teach an LDS Sunday school class the next day.
My husband told me that he could no longer watch the movie now because he had to prepare this lesson.
I was not going to let this annoyance get in the way of our “date” so I tried to convince him of an easy – no prepare – way to teach the class.
He didn’t think he could swing my idea, so he suggested that if I taught the class than we could watch the movie together, so I reluctantly agreed.
Later that evening my husband mentioned that it would be “good for me” to teach the lesson because it would prevent me from going home after sacrament meeting like I usually did – regretting my willingness to teach I responded with a “GGrrrrrrr” under my breath.
I looked over the Sunday school lesson. I could agree with about 5% of it- so I decided to focus on that.
Sunday arrives. I get ready for church as usual. I used to go early Sunday morning to a Universalist Unitarian church near me, but it was causing my husband angst because it required that we take separate cars to the LDS church where we met for sacrament meeting. So to help make peace in our family I told him that I would listen to my Unitarian sermons online, so that we could travel as a family to the LDS church.
So as I was getting ready for church I was listening to my Unitarian Universalist sermon. It happened to be a special sunday service where they were performing some amazing and classy jazz pieces before the sermon. So I was listening to this and my husband made me turn it off. He told me that, that type of music was NOT appropriate for the Sabbath day.
What?!? I honestly thought he was thinking “Wow. That is amazing local talent.” But I should have known.
I shot back with the inappropriateness of reading about football on the Internet all day – which is what he does on Sunday (I hadn’t mentioned this before because I honestly didn’t care).
Anyway, he made me turn it off and I was silently furious….replaying in my mind all of the middle of the night Sabbaths I had woken to discover he was looking at p*rnography on the Internet.
I then spent the next hour listening to LDS Sacrament meeting. When I looked up at the stand there were a long row of white males (We had visiting General Authorities). All of the talks that day spoke of the General Authorities as celebrities – as super humans – almost worshipful. It was so disturbing. There were also some talks about love which were good.
I spent the next hour teaching an LDS Sunday school class for my husband.
Then another hour in the evening listening to 2 more males (our home teachers) tell me what to do and what is right. During which time I pondered again about how women visiting teachers are only allowed to teach women in their home (never the whole family)- and the message they convey are 95% messages written by men.
At the end of the day I felt completely oppressed by Mormon men telling me what to do: How to be, what to think, how to feel, what is right for me, what is wrong, etc. So after bottling it all up I exploded to my husband that I was no longer doing any of it- Not his scripture time, his FHE, his church, his home teachers, his rules. I felt I was treated as a child instead of an equal parent. After saying he didn’t buy into my “victim” speech and defending himself up and down he finally apologized for trying to take away what was important to me (my morning sermon) and that is where we left it.