I haven’t been writing here lately because it was the holidays, then we went out-of-town, but the most important reason was because my husband finally acknowledged that there was truth to what I have been saying about the problems with the Mormon church.
There were two key factors in getting the message through. The first was the video (below) and the second was the book An Insider’s View of Mormon Origins by Grant H. Palmer (see sidebar). It was really hard for me to get him to watch the video and read the book, so I waited until he really wanted me to do something for him and we made a deal that I would do it if he watched the video and read the book.
He even said that he now considers himself a New Order Mormon. This is good and bad. He sees more good in the church than me. He still wants to raise our kids in the church and ultimately change nothing- Just keep attending even though we both think the Book of Mormon is fraudulent. He says that he thinks the people in the church are good and sincere and that God accepts the Mormons as seekers who are doing their best and accepting Jesus and are just good people. He also argues that Mormonism is our heritage and all of our extended family is Mormon. Do we really want to ostracize ourselves from them? He forbids me to say anything to our kids about it. Our oldest child already doesn’t believe, but he doesn’t know how we feel about it- our other kids; however, are all faithful believers.
I can see his point, but I feel really uncomfortable about sitting in church and listening to a bunch of stuff I feel is just plain wrong and then indoctrinating our kids into it. There has been one change, I was wearing garments (Mormon underwear) for my husband’s sake and he said I didn’t have to wear them anymore if I didn’t want to, but he still does. He said he thought about not paying tithing anymore, but then he decided to do it anyway.
I suppose another good thing that has changed is that he has stopped preaching about the Mormon church to me and then watching pornography on the Internet in the same day. That was especially annoying. I am afraid that he will use this new knowledge about the church to exasperate his pornography addiction, but my guess is he will just keep doing what he has always done.
I can say that my lost faith in the church has really helped me deal with the pornography issue better. It hurts less for some reason, but I still don’t like it. I told him that there isn’t any Christian religion and many other religions and those who are not religious at all who agree that pornography is bad if you are hurting your wife by its use. Still, I don’t think its going to go away, so instead I see it as something to be controlled and limited within boundaries.
He did agree to go to a New Order Mormon gathering. He thought it would be good for me because I am having a hard time having only Mormon friends. We’ll see how that goes.
I have been really trying to define my own spirituality and beliefs. There has been a lot of soul searching lately. It is still a work in progress. I’ll let you know what I figure out.